


When we struggle

by Formysakeamaryllis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 16:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16622834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Formysakeamaryllis/pseuds/Formysakeamaryllis
Summary: Harry was having a bad day but taking it out on his wife gets him in more trouble than expected.





	When we struggle

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of anxiety and panic attacks

     It was so quiet in the room. Much too quiet, Harry had just gotten back from an interview, she’d heard the door open and close behind him but no footsteps coming towards her. She turned the stove off a worried feeling settling deep in her stomach, Harry was never this quiet. Much too clumsy to keep quiet as he tripped over his own feet excited to get home and see her every night. Kitten double checked that everything would be fine sitting for a moment as she went to find her husband before stepping out of the kitchen in search of him.

 

     “Haz? I know you’re home,” She called. His boots were by the door, his coat up on the coat rack but he was no where to be seen. A frown formed on her lips racking her brain trying to figure out if she’d done something wrong. She couldn’t think of anything as she climbed the stairs towards their bedroom. “babe?” She called again listening for any kind of response. Pushing the bedroom door open she saw his clothes strew out across the floor. The fancy dress shirt Nick had given him crumpled on the floor along with his skinny jeans, leading towards the closet. She sighed in relief when she noticed the closet wide open and the light was on and she could hear shuffling around. “Harry,” she stepped over into the closet with him, to find him throwing clothes about his back tense as he stood there in his briefs.

 

       “I can’t fucking find anything in this god damn house,” he snapped, Kitten flinched slightly at his tone.  Harry very rarely got mad, honest to god mad and never had he ever rose his voice at her, knowing how much it frightened her. He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to her though, she doubted he was even talking to her as he threw the clothes about.

 

      “What are you looking for Harry?” She asked keeping her voice steady trying not to sound like she was upset or worried. Harry scoffed and threw something else over his shoulder.

 

      “What the fuck would you know?” Kitten winced, that snap hurt a bit. She usually knew where everything of Harry’s was. He relied on her to know where he put things, his mind never cataloging what he needed to remember properly. Plus, it was a bit cruel, the tone of his voice indicating she was useless in his search. 

 

       “I happen to know a lot of things,” She tried to keep from snapping herself because that last dig hurt. “if you’re looking for your plain grey t-shirt and your black hoodie with  your nike trackies they are downstairs on the dryer,” He looked up from where he was digging like he was angry she knew what he was looking for. Really she was guessing, they were Harry’s go to outfit when he wanted to lounge and she’d just washed them and hadn’t gotten to putting them back yet.

 

      “Why the hell are they down there?” He growled it wasn’t really a question that he wanted answered as he stormed past her not bothering to look at her, nearly knocking her over. She could feel tears building in her eyes trying to come up with something she’d done to him. Something to make him this violently angry with her, so angry he wouldn’t even look at her. Frankly it made her want to throw up but instead she simply followed him downstairs to the laundry room where he was slipping his clothes on.

 

      “Mind telling me what the attitudes for?” She kept as much air in her tone as possible, refusing to let him know she was upset. She knew from her past (not with him but others) that her getting upset would just be enjoyable and make it worse for her. 

      “Can you not?” He snapped again and Kitten really was going to lose it. This wasn’t her Harry, she knew he was under a lot of stress since Zayn left but he’d promised he was ok. His bandmembers even vouched for him. 

 

      “What could I possibly have done to make you this angry?” She felt herself give a bit, old habits die hard the urge to fix it burning under her skin.

 

      “god can you stop for five fucking second with the questions?” He looked at what was on the stove slamming around to get a plate and she swallowed anything other question she had.

 

      “Sorry,” She mumbled quietly keeping her eyes on the tile, her chest burned with the ache of a breaking heart. Harry had never treated her this poorly, not once in her life. He knew about her abusive past, he knew how fragile she was to this kind of treatment. He finished loading his plate and sat down glaring at his food and ripping out his phone as she stood in the kitchen unsure what to do with herself.

 

       “Don’t you have anything to do other than stand there staring at me?” he snarled and Kitten choked a bit because she definitely hadn’t been staring at him.

 

      “I...I wasn’t staring at you,” She forced the hurt down. “Can..Can I get you something?” He glared up at her like she’d just offered to kill his mother.

 

      “You can stop smothering me, jesus what is this? Can’t even have peace and quiet in my own god damn house,” Anything she had left in her fell apart.

 

      “I’ll go,” She sucked in a breath quickly scattering out of the kitchen slipping her shoes on and grabbing her set of keys. He wanted her to stop smothering him then she’d go. He’d come find her when he wanted her again.

 

      “Good, Finally some fucking peace,” was the last thing she heard as she closed the door behind her a sob forcing it’s way up her throat.  She knew she probably shouldn’t be driving in this state but she knew that she had to go somewhere and she only really knew on place she wouldn’t be burdening someone else. Her hands shook as she drove turning the music up so loud it hurt her ears as the tears just continued to roll down her cheeks.

 

      The drive wasn’t too long about ten minutes as she pulled up and parked next to a shiny black car with trblmkr’ on the licence plate. She’d laugh any other time at the inside joke but right now her chest hurt to much to breathe. Shutting the car off, she pushed her door open trying not to stumble over her feet as she headed towards the door. She knocked a few times and then waited. Her body felt like it was crumbling under the weight of the pain in her heart.  It wasn’t long before the door was opening revealing her best friend, vivid blue eyes sparkling even in the dark.

 

      “Kitten, what are you doing here love?” She looked up at him pressing the sleeve of her shirt to her nose as more tears fell down her face. He let out a small gasp at her appearance, ushering her inside and closing the door beginning to look over her for injuries. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” he asked quietly not finding any obvious injuries, helping her sit so he could get her shoes off.

 

       “Harry,” she sobbed the name as it left her mouth, the pieces feeling like broken glass on her tongue. “hates me, I don’t know what I did,” she hiccuped. Louis’ eyes darkened considerably as he looked over his best friend. He would kill his bandmate when he got his hands on him. No one made Kitten feel this way, not after what she’d been through. 

 

       “No, I’m sure he doesn’t,” He shook his head but Kitten just leaned her head back letting out such a hard sob her whole body arched into it. “Harry couldn’t hate you, you’re his wife, his soul mate the love of his life,” he gestured with his hands slowly moving to wrap his arms around her body trying to calm her.

 

    “He told me I was smothering him. Told me, told me good when I said I was leaving because he just wanted peace” her body ached even as he wrapped his arms tightly around her pulling her to his chest. “I fuck up everything,” she could hardly get enough air in her lungs to speak properly around her sobs. 

 

      “Shh, not true,” Louis tightened his hold on her, anger seeping through him at his bandmates attitude towards his wife. He knew Harry was raised better than that. “He had a rough day, The interviewer wouldn’t quit pressing about Zayn, I’m sure he’s just mad about that,” Louis grit his teeth because that better be Harry’s reason or Louis was going to bury Harry six feet under. Though, it really didn’t matter how bad of a day Harry was having he should never speak to anyone the way he had to Kitten.

 

      “No,” She shook her head slowly gripping onto Louis’ shirt for some kind of anchor to keep her from falling into a complete mess. “It has to be me, he...he wouldn’t take zayn out on me. He promised he’d tell me if it was bothering him,” she babbled shaking her head and trying to calm down. Louis simply snapped his teeth together trying to sooth himself before speaking again.

 

      “I’ll murder him,” He muttered under his breath, “come on Kit, let’s move to the couch yeah? I was just about to put some telly on and settled down. Let me take care of you for the night. We’ll deal with Harry in the morning yeah?” He reasoned even though at the moment nothing he felt was reasonable and he could tell by the girl in his arms that neither was anything she felt.

 

     “I’m sorry,” she let out another broken sob as Louis helped her to the couch slowly laying down and pulling hr down ontop of him. He squished her between his body and the couch making sure she felt safe and secure, lacing his arms around her and rubbing her side with the arm around her. HIs free hand moving to stroke through her hair and down her face clearing off tears that continued to fall.

 

      “Don’t apologize sweetie, not your fault. You just relax,”He hummed hoping that eventually she’d sob herself into some sort of sleep like state even if it wasn’t a full sleep.His heart hurt seeing her like this, he wanted to punch Harry in the face for this and he just might. She settled down as Louis turned on the tv still stroking her hair and hip to keep her calm, and eventually after several shows her breathing evened out and she was asleep. He reached over picking up his phone and opening a texted box.

 

_/Liam, I’m murdering Harry in the morning you in?_ / He texted carefully so he didn’t jostle the devastated girl in his arms. His range not soothing at all, able to feel the girl shaking against him even in her sleep.

 

_/And why are we doing that?/_ always innocent Liam.

 

/ _Apparently the attitude Harry had with us after the interviews went home with him_ / Louis had known about Harry’s completely shit mood but he’d been hoping he’d drop it when he saw Kitten. Kitten had always made Harry soften up and feel better, he never dreamed he’d take it home to her and treat her like this.

 

_/Oh no, is Kit ok?/_ He could practically see Liam’s creased eyebrows and worried eyes from the text message.

 

_/No, she showed up at my house sobbing Li. Apparently he told her she was suffocating him and when she told him she was leaving he told her ‘good’ because he wanted some peace. I’m going to murder him and cut him up into tiny pieces_ / Louis swore trying to calm himself down before he woke the sleeping girl.

 

/ _Alright, I’ll be over in the morning. Might want to let Niall know as well. We’ll deal with him, he knows better than to treat her like that/_ Louis let out a laugh because sometimes Liam just sounded so much like a parent.

 

/ _Yeah, Ok/_ he set his phone back down on the table wrapping his arms up around his bandmates wife and closing his own eyes.

 

      Kitten didn’t remember falling asleep or how long she’d been asleep, the hurt still tugging deep in her chest. The picture of her angry husband glaring at her still sitting in her brain. She wanted to disappear, making him happy had been something that saved her from her self so many times and if she couldn’t do that any more than what good was she? She could hear quiet some what angry voices talking in the kitchen as she rolled over on the couch rubbing at her puffy eyes. Slowly she stood up, her legs wobbling underneath her as they carried her to the kitchen. 

 

      She hadn’t exactly expected what she walked in on, Louis was standing at the counter his hands gripping it so hard his knuckles were white, Liam was sat at the table arms crossed, Niall was leaning against the wall a glare on his face and in the middle of them all was Harry his hair pulled back the same angry stance she’d seen last night in his shoulders. Kitten couldn’t force herself to back out of the room, couldn’t force herself to move any further into it either. The urge to puke crawling up her throat. Liam had heard her enter though and turned his attention to her his arms unfolding.

 

      “Sorry we woke you love,” He apologized standing up and brushing past Harry to get to her. She looked at him confused and hurt still choking off any thoughts. Liam gently put his arms around her and tugged her in for a hug, she went willingly stuffing her face into his shirt and trying to regain her breath. “You can go upstairs if you’d like, you don’t need to be part of this,” he hummed stroking a hand over her hair.

 

      “Excuse me! She’s the reason I’m here! I’m pretty sure she needs to be a part of this!” His tone was sharp and Kitten felt like there was a hand around her throat. quickly she was pushing Liam’s arms away and bending down putting her hands on her knees and leaning towards the floor trying to force air into her lungs. 

 

      “Watch your fucking tone, Styles,” Her ears felt fuzzy, she felt like maybe she was dying. Niall moved quickly from where he’d been glaring from his stance on the wall over to Kitten picking her up and moving her to a chair before setting her down.

 

      “Breathe Kit,” he instructed knowing all to well what was happening. “I need you to look at me and breathe ok? Follow my lead,” Niall gently touched her knee and slowly she tilted her face to look at him tears starting to fall again. He drew in a deep breath and counted to five on his fingers before letting it out and starting again. Liam watched ready to step in if he needed to and help.Louis was still glaring holes into Harry’s head, Harry was staring a guilt look layering his face.

 

      “You’re doing so good sweetie,” Liam encouraged bending down next to Niall to encourage Kitten as she focused and did as Niall. Continuing to follow his lead, she slowly could feel the air going back into her lungs, the feeling of death starting to fade. 

 

      “There we go,” Niall soothed reaching up and wiping some of the tears from her face watching her with careful eyes. “You alright now?” She nodded and brushed her hair away from her face slowly drawing in a breathe to prove her point.

 

       “Now, as I was saying,” Liam glared at Harry. “You can go upstairs if you’d like,” he paused “but if you’d like to stay here that’s ok too,” he reassured her and she nodded again, not really wanting to leave the room but not wanting to be in it at the same time.

 

      “I’ll stay,” She mumbled out, her stomach still sitting in her throat waiting for a chance to force it’s way out. Liam nodded and stood back up moving back to his chair. Niall simply pulled a chair up next to Kitten turning back towards Harry. 

 

      “Where were we?” Louis’ was sarcastic and mean as his eyes glued themselves to Harry, the anger so intense it was almost blinding. Harry flinched slightly but simply pinched his nose before looking at Liam.

 

      “I believe we were talking about Harry’s inability to treat his wife with a little respect,” Niall piped up and Kitten wanted to cringe for Harry, she felt like maybe this was all her fault. Maybe she’d over reacted, she pressed the heel of her hand into her eyes rubbing furiously.

 

      “I was having a bad day, I already said that,” Harry’s voice wasn’t as mean as it had been last night nor was it as sharp but he still looked guarded and angry. “I came home from that interview where all they did was ask about Zayn and then when she came upstairs and started asking questions too I snapped, alright?”

 

      “No it’s not fucking ‘alright’” Liam snapped his arms back over his chest watching his best mate with angry eyes. “That’s not how you treat your fucking wife, never. I’ve had plenty of bad days and never once spoken to Sophia the way you spoke to Kitten. Never have I ever made my wife feel the way you did Kitten,” Kitten uncovered her eyes to look at Harry afraid and hurting.

 

      “Look, I was mad ok?I wasn’t” Harry paused taking in Kitten’s broken face and the fear in her eyes his own heart squeezing tightly in his chest. He never wanted to be the kind of person to cause that. “It’s not excusable you guys are right. My anger wasn’t at her and I lashed out because I didn’t know how else to handle myself,” He sighed and Liam’s arms finally uncrossed, louis looked not as completely ready to strangle his mate.

 

      “What on earth had you so angry you’d treat your wife, who has already been through multiple abusive relationships, the way you did? I know you were angry but you’ve never taken it home to Kitten. she’s an innocent bystander,” Niall pressed his arm gently shrugging it’s way over Kitten’s shoulder tugging her into his side. Harry could feel the break all over again, what had driven him over the edge, he hadn’t really been angry he’d been hurt and he’d hurt her as a result. 

 

      “Just,” he struggled with his words, Kitten leaning into Niall but watching her husband closely. “Zayn, this stuff with Zayn. The way the interviewer felt the need to dig at all of us in favor of him. He just up and left yeah? It fucking sucks what he did and the last thing I want to do is talk about it,” Kitten let out a small whine.

 

      “I told you...if that was stressing you out to talk to me,” her voice betrayed her as it broke towards the end looking at her husband in pain. Louis’ eyes had softened considerably at the topic, even though he was still pissed at the way Harry had treated Kitten, he understood Harry’s anger. Not ever would he understand treating your wife the way Harry had. 

 

      “I didn’t know it was,” He shrugged looking at her sorrow all over his face. “I didn’t realize it until the interviewer mentioned the comment he made to Louis on twitter last week. I just, something in my head snapped. It’s not fair what he did, we were brothers and he just up and left because we weren’t good enough and now everyone wants us to explain it. Everyone wants us to say we are still friends and it’s all good and it’s not, it’s complete shit,” The anger had long since faded out of Harry’s stance replaced with one of remorse for his actions. 

 

      “Haz,” Niall sighed. “It is complete shit, but you should have said something not completely snapped your wife's heart into pieces because of it,” He looked at Kitten and she looked at the floor.

 

      “No, I know that. I just...I got to thinking if he could just up and leave after four years than she could too, one day I could come home and she could just be gone. One day maybe I wouldn’t be enough for her any more,” Any anger Louis had was gone replaced by sympathy, that’s what had happened to him, before Zayn had left Eleanor had left one night leaving a note and explaining to Louis that he wasn’t what she wanted any more. walked out of his life just like that, it’d hurt worse than anything Louis had ever felt.  The pain made him crazy for weeks.

 

     “oh baby,” Kitten stood up shaking a bit on her feet, Niall quickly reaching up to steady her. His anger still there a bit not ready to just forgive his bandmate for hurting his friend like that. “I’m not…”She paused and looked at Louis and then back to Harry as she stepped up to him putting her hands on his chest. “I’m not Zayn, I don’t...you could never not be enough for me. I’ve been with you since you were 15, I’m not going to just leave you,” Harry looked at the others in the room before reaching out and touching her face, tears layering in his eyes.

 

      “You really should have said something mate, I would have taken you to mark and helped you work off the steam,” LIam still appeared a bit cross with Harry but he also understood the fear of your loved one just picking up and walking of. His first girlfriend of two years had done that before he’d found his now wife Sophia. “It sucks but sometimes you have to like, use your words as Soph always says. I think all of us have been worried about who’s next since Zayn left, we get it,” Niall sighed his resolve fading quickly. No he didn’t have a girlfriend that’d ever hurt him or abandon him but he knew the feeling when it came to his friends. Worried that just like Zayn they’d take off looking for something more exciting.

 

      “I should have, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, I hurt you. I snapped at you and I swore at you and I’m so mad at myself for making you feel this way,” Harry apologized cupping her face in his hands stroking her falling tears. Kitten leaned into his touch, this was the Harry she’d been looking for last night. This was her Harry. “I promise you, all of you. It’ll never happen again. I’ll never talk to her like that. I’m sorry,” he choked a few tears falling down his own face. Kitten let out a little breath she hadn’t meant to be holding. “ I understand if you don’t want to like be with me any more,” he added softly looking at Kitten. Her eyes widened and she shook her head quickly, hurting her head a bit.

 

      “You think I’m going to divorce you because we had a fight?”She questioned and Louis stifled his chuckle because really Harry should know better than that and really it had just been a little bit of an argument. Those happened and Harry was serious about it never happening again, he didn’t lie about things like that. “For better or worse remember? I don’t give up that easily give me some credit kid,” she teased. Kid was her nickname for him when he was behaving ridiculously because he was two years younger than she was, it always made Harry pout when she called him that. It didn’t fail this time either, Niall snickering openly at the name. 

 

      “Not a kid,” he stuck his tongue out before getting serious again. “I’m a bit of a mess though, made quite the mistake last night I did,” Kitten  smiled gently at him getting up on her tip toes to rub her nose against his.

 

      “Yeah but you’re my mess,” she slowly wrapped her arms around his neck. “And all of you are children to me,” she smirked and Louis scoffed. “Ok except for Louis who’s only like four months older than me, he’s very clearly older and wiser,” The whole room laughed and the tension was gone. 

 

      “I like her. We can keep her,” Louis hummed from where he was standing his eyes all soft and fond now as he looked at his friends. “She’s my favorite,” Niall rolled his eyes.

 

      “Harry I think your wife is sick in the head,” He shook his head “wiser? There isn’t anything wise about Louis,” Louis flipped him off and Kitten laughed and pulled Harry down for a kiss their lips meeting softly.

 

      “I dunno, think he’s pretty wise. Even when he’s angry, he’s pretty reasonable. He was called what was wrong with Haz last night. Think he’s a genius mind reader,” She gushed a teasing hint to her tone but also an addition of appreciation in her words. He had been so reasonable last night while she’d been conving her self her life was over. 

 

      “I love him very much for that,” Harry hugged her closer looking over at Louis a little amazed at the possibility that Louis had been reasonable about what he’d done. 

 

      “Yeah well, I ship it what can I say?” Kitten burst out into giggles shoving her face in Harry’s shirt shaking her head. “It was the least I could do for you guys after all you’ve done for me,” He added.

 

      “Did you seriously just say you ship it Lou? Seriously? Please tell me you didn’t,” NIall groaned leaning back in the chair smacking his forehead. 

 

      “Yup. huge Sophiam shipper to,” Louis winked at Liam who started laughing so hard he fell off the chair meanwhile Niall’s groaning about Louis and his inner fangirl needing therapy. 

 

      “I love you Harry Styles, more than you could ever imagine but don’t you ever do that again,” she hummed quietly, having a private conversation with him in the middle of Louis and Niall arguing about shipping and therapy. Harry kissed the tip of her nose.

 

     “Never again Mrs. Styles, I swear on my life,” He promised holding her close and rubbing her back. “you and I forever yeah? Even if we struggle.”

 

     “Even /when/ we struggle. Forever. Thats what our vows said and I intend to keep those,” she pecked his cheek leaning to press her head into his chest.

 

     “Forever” Harry agreed quietly, thanking his lucky stars his wife was the most forgiving person on the planet. He knew he’d be lost without her, he doubted forever would be long enough but for now it’d have to do


End file.
